Toddler sleep problem:
My two-year-old daughter has always been a great sleeper - often sleeping 12-14 hours per night and until recently had a 2 hour sleep during the day. About four months ago we moved her into a bed as we had another baby on the way. She settled into her bed very well and we had no problems with the transition.
However, about a month later she dropped her daytime sleep but still slept well at night. I recently had our second child and while I was in hospital she started to wake during the night and was taking about two hours to settle back to sleep.
Since I have come home she has continued to do this about 3-4 nights of the week. Often she is harder to settle than her little sister! I don't think it is jealousy as she is very taken with her sister and loves being the "big sister" and helping Mummy and Daddy etc. We are also being very careful to include her and give her as much attention and one-on-one time as we can. Please help! Any advice would be gratefully received.
Our recommended solution
It’s really common for a toddler to start waking again after a sibling arrives on the scene, despite the best efforts to make the transition go smoothly. For a toddler, it is a bit like if your husband brought home another wife to share your home with – it would cause some distress and you would get less attention!!!!
There are a few things you can do which will help:
Bedtime routine – make sure that you use a really structured bedtime routine every night, and that this is quality one-on-one time with your toddler. I know exactly how rushed this time of the day can be when you have 2 kids (mine are 1 and 4), so plan your evening for one of you to have this time with Emma, and allow 45 mins or so. A bath, bottle, stories and cuddles in her bed together works well, with lights out at 7pm.
Settling at bedtime – this is also really important for its effect on night waking. Can she fall asleep by herself at bedtime or does she need one of you there? If she needs you there, then you will need to gradually wean her off that by moving yourself to sitting on the bed, then sitting by the bed etc etc.
Separation anxiety – is she clingy or showing some signs of anxiety during the day? If so, this may be effecting her ability to resettle at night, as she may worry you are going away again (e.g. to the hospital).
Sleeping bag – if she doesn’t sleep in a sleeping bag, I recommend you put her in one. It’s really cosy, makes walking round really hard and also is a great association that it is sleep time. It also means she won’t get cold as she won’t need blankets. You can either go for a Woolbabe sleeping bag or suit.
Night terrors – if the waking is in the first half of the night and there is screaming involved, it’s possible it’s a night terror. This means your toddler isn’t actually awake and is in a state similar to sleep walking. It’s best to check that it is this, by saying something like ‘would you like a cuddle?’. If she keeps screaming, thrashing or rolling round and shouts things like ‘no no no’, then it’s a night terror. Best thing to do is ignore it, make sure she is safe and go back to bed. She will fall back into a deep sleep and not even know she was awake. Also check if she even knows she is waking in the night, as if not that is a tell tale sign it’s a night terror (it’s terrifying for you, not her!!)
Bedtime music / White Noise – play some bedtime sleep music as you have a cuddle together, then leave it on repeat all night. This will be reassuring in the night if she stirs and will help her resettle. You can also use white noise to block out background noise. Yogasleep have a range of machines playing white, brown or pink noise as well as nature sounds.
Cuddly – does she have something she loves to cuddle all night? If not, then let her choose something extra special. Call it something like ‘mummy bear’, and say ‘mummy bear will be here to give you cuddles all night long’. I have some lovely things for toddlers to cuddle in my range...
Nightlight – if you are not using a night light, then I highly recommend you do. It can be very reassuring for a toddler to be able to see what’s what in their room. The Stellar Haus ones are very cute and glow all the colours of the rainbow.
Afternoon rest – if she is no longer napping, I would still enforce an afternoon rest time straight after lunch. This is both to stop her getting over-tired (which causes night waking) and also because you need the opportunity to rest as well. One option I found very effective is a story on CD – put her into bed, put the CD on and say you need to stay in bed until it is finished. Chances are if she lies down, she may drift off. If not, at least she is lying down having some quiet time and you can put your feet up. If she won’t lie down, get into bed with her and lie down together and have a cuddle. Plan to do this once your baby is in bed for her afternoon sleep. Click here for more info on afternoon naps for toddlers.
The other recommendation for tackling the night waking if you need more info is the book ‘No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers’. This covers topics like needing a parent to fall asleep, visits to mum's bed at night, night waking etc.